The Drunken Spring Break Coed Look:

The Navy Port Ho: Look:

The Put a Dollar in My Belt and I’ll Dance For You Look:

The Does This Dress Make My Tits Look Fat? Look:

The How Long Until You Notice This Thing on My Head? Look:

The Say I Do Look:

The WFT Look:

The Let’s Raise Our Glasses for the Happy Couple Look:

The I Got Knocked Up Before I Could Get Hitched Look:

And let’s not forget the bridesmaids:

Source: Email Submission from Hagar (well played Hagar, well played)

Source: Email submission from William TN

According to the Spanish-language daily, Hoy, the former mistress of LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa done got herself all knocked up. What’s more, she done found herself a man to do it and he’s not even a famous or powerful politician. Who says people can’t change?

However periodically we need to get other types of things off our chest. Here’s what’s on my mind. What’s on yours?

1. Battle of Stars.

Does anyone other than us just find this funny? North Beverly Park residents are being sued by the South Beverly Park residents over access rights. This is not your typical home owners association brawl as the South Beverly Park plaintiffs include Earvin “Magic” Johnson, Samuel L. Jackson and movie producer Richard Zanuck and his wife, Lili while the North Beverly Park defendants include Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy, Reba McEntire, Sylvester Stallone, Barry Bonds and media moguls Haim Saban and Sumner Redstone. Anyone want to guess the legal fees of this egofest?

2. eHarmony forced to offer same sex service

No matter how you feel about Prop 8 in California, forcing a dating site to market to a group (any group) is simply wrong. It is not discrimination if you choose to market your products to a particular demographic–it’s called capitalism. If you type “gay dating” into Google it is clear that there are no shortage of sites servicing marketing to gays. Does JDate need to open up to Palestinians or ArabLounge.com to…? Anyway, you get the idea. The pity is that no judge had the balls to toss this out where it belonged and let the free market do its job.

3. Jerry Yang Stepping Down at Yahoo CEO

Good riddance. Besides the billions of shareholder equity lost during his misguided reign think of the hundreds and hundreds of millions (billions?) of lost stock options lost by his employees. Please tell me what was so bad about the Microsoft offer anyway, Jerry? Was it that employees would lose job? Wait, they did anyway the only difference is that you fired the–not Microsoft. Oh yeah, one other difference. If Microsoft had laid them off they’d be cashing in options worth $31 or more versus them leaving now with zippo since how many employees have grants dating back to the days of below zero (and even if they did who feels good about $20/share disappearing?).

4. India Navy Foils Pirates

At least India has some balls. We’ve got the biggest navy in the world and yet we can’t even sink a few Somalian pirate boats. Give me a break. India showed what you do when you come across these lawless losers. I know why we are pussies with Iran and North Korea. They have nukes. Last I saw the pirates in Somalia don’t. So what’s stopping us? We’re pussies, that’s what.

That’s it. Back to hotties.

Due to an ill-timed restraining order we had to back off our 7/24 coverage of Melissa Theuriau. Fortunately said restrictions did not apply to our friends at Moonage Daydream who discovered that the smokin’ hot newscaster is pregnant (Not safe for work or for those who can’t handle a topless smoking hot pregnant newscaster)!

Photo Source: Bills Zone

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

First basketball game, first boobs, and it appears his first beer too.

“Wow, they’re even better up close!”

The universal language.

An adult in a boy’s body.

it’s takes a Super Dad to take his kid to Hooters.

I’d like to see his face when he gets to see what the front looks like too.

Super Dad!

And finally, talk about starting young:

Sources: Viral emails over the last 3 years and Take a Report

The irony between Ms. Williamson’s attitude toward the construction noise and her smoking while pregnant is obvious (and somewhat painful). According to a follow up article in the Roanoke Times “Smoking is estimated to account for 20 percent to 30 percent of low birth-weight babies, up to 14 percent of preterm deliveries and 10 percent of all infant deaths. Asthma is twice as likely in children whose mothers smoke more than 10 cigarettes per day.”

More on Ms. Williamson:

She didn’t finish high school. She hasn’t seen her father since she was 13. She has worked in fast food, but doesn’t have a job. She’s heard of the Internet but says that she’s never used it. Oh yeah, her husband, the father, also smokes.

Source: SteakandCheese.com

Source: Email from Hagar

Plain and simple: they ripped us off.

Back in the summer of 2006 a friend of the blog sent along a camera phone shot he took of Senator John McCain at a Las Vegas craps table.

We thought it was funny (we wrote “I think it’s good for a presidential candidate to like playing the dice: accepts risk, understands odds, willing to bet on himself, can operate in a fast paced environment.”) and posted it. In July it was picked up by Time magazine’s Swampland blog.

A few days ago we received this email:

Hey,

I tracked back the picture of McCain at the craps table back to your site. I wanted to check to make sure that it wasn’t photoshopped. It seems from your posts that the pictures legit, but if you can email me back and let me know that would be helpful.

- Kombiz

Kombiz Lavasany
Democratic National Committee
202-863-xxxx (office) …

… and we replied

It was not photoshopped — the image on the site is straight from our correspondent’s camera phone.

We do ask that attribution accompany any use of the photos (emphasis ours).

At 31 seconds into this newly released DNC video you can see how our Independent Sources logo was carefully cropped out of the image they used:

There is no reference to Independent Sources anywhere in the video.

We support John McCain, but if the DNC wants to use some of our content to make a (ultimately embarrassing) video, that’s their right — so long as they respect our rights to our property.

Instead, the DNC decided to steal our image and ignore our specific request for attribution.

Is this a preview of the confiscatory policies we can expect from an Obama administration?

—
Support us and purchase the well-reviewed “The Case Against Barack Obama” through this Amazon link!

I predict a huge traffic spike at SportsBuy.com.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals suggests world-famous Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream should tap nursing moms, rather than cows, for the milk used in its ice cream.

PETA said that if the ice cream maker begins using breast milk in its products instead of cow’s milk, it would reduce the suffering of cows and calves and give ice cream lovers a healthier product.

Ben & Jerry’s officials said in so many words “You’re friggin’ crazy.”

Not so in Europe. Since weather is generally brain-numbingly simple to report, why not have some eye candy giving the report? Makes sense to us:

Which type of reporter you prefer says a lot about other things you might like such as show tunes, Cary Grant, George Michael…

Photo making the rounds:

Real photo before Photoshopping:

Rush to judgement? I don’t see conservatives emailing around doctored photos of Joe Biden in a bikini. Of course it is possible that that photo originated with Republicans who wanted to embarrass liberals who blindly email it along. Regardless, armed or not, it’s kind of a nice rack.

Source of debunking: Snopes

The “Boston 3-Finger Crab”

Please tell me this isn’t a legal move.

From Testosterona

NBC has certainly leveraged the T&A outfits of the women’s beach volleyball squad and in fact taken it to new heights with a 10-second slow-motion panning closeup of Misty May-Treanor’s excellent cameltoe that would seem more at home on late night Cinemax than from a televised sporting event.

Of course the annual swim suit issue is always the most popular Sports Illustrated book of the year. Regardless there was very little doubt what was going on in the minds of the segment producers and one can only imagine the view repeatedly enjoyed by the horn dogs who’ve upgraded their TIVO boxes to High Def.

Olympics Butt Shot

This is a general trend in women’s track and field that has the entire sport embracing tight fitting outfits like never before.

Track & Field Karen Goucher

Both USA Track and NBC have learned well the lessons of women’s beach volleyball.

The point papers or policy memo is divided into four sections - Problem, Strategic Interests, Means, and Possible Outcomes. The means section is further divided into subsections consisting of actions to be taken in the first month, first six months and one year and beyond time frames.

This is my summary of the student’s summaries:

Problem:

Transnational Terrorism is bad. Al-Qaeda and other terror groups have shown they can and will commit atrocious crimes and they want to kill Americans. Even though this has nothing to do with terrorism my first two sentences have me agreeing with President Bush entirely too much, and since this entire project is based around the premise that President Bush’s entire foreign policy is bad I can’t have that. Therefore, Additionally, the US torture policy at Guantanamo Bay and the Abu Gharib scandal are a source of lost credibility in the international community and do not demonstrate American respect for Human rights.

Strategic Interests:

The United States needs a coherent plan for dealing with the problem we caused through our political and economic repression of the world. The well-deserved attacks on 9/11 spurred the largest shift in foreign policy since the cold war and while that policy been effective in reducing terror attacks world wide, just as Reagan’s policies ended the Cold War, we don’t like it because it is

a) effective thus perpetuating the cycle of injustice that causes terrorism.
b) not very nice and we all know that it is more important that a policy feel good than it actually be effective.

Means:

First Month:

1. The President should immediately renounce the “War on Terror” terror is a tactic not an actor. Never mind that this a rhetorical device and since we are being so frickin’ literal we should also renounce the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs, the War on Male Pattern Baldness and the War on Erectile Dysfunction.

2. The US Army should stop killing babies and the US should start handling terrorism in accordance with international norms, such as abject surrender in the case of Spain, letting them run around out in the woods taking hostages and murdering people ala Columbia and the Philippines, or actively encouraging them to kill more Americans and some Jews as in the case of Iran, Syria, most of Africa and parts of Western Europe.

“the President should emphasize that a normative prohibition on targeting non-combatants and increased cooperation with other states in the international system are the goals of US counterterrorism strategy”

3. The next President should ensure the world understands that “with us or against us” is no longer a policy, instead we will handle terrorism as a violation of international norms, in the same way that genocide and nuclear proliferation is treated. It works for Darfur and Iran it should work on terrorism too.

4. Obama The next President shouldn’t be stupid enough to tell people this but he should realize that despite what I said earlier about al-Qaeda having the ambition and the ability to commit atrocious crimes 9/11 was really just a fluke. The fact that they had tried to bring the WTC down before, in 1993, and spent years planning and training for the mission in no way shows a level of sophistication that would allow another similarly scaled attack to succeed.

I know you guys think I make this up but here is the actual quote - “Though this should not be mentioned in the speech, the next President must also recognize that 9/11 was a long shot, and that it should not be cause for further restriction of freedoms or invasions.”

5. The next President should appoint an international terrorism expert to the National Security Council. This person should not come from within the intelligence community or the Department of Homeland Security and should be named Amb. Derek Shearer a noted scholar of international peace and security issues and will serve as the next President’s direct pipeline to the international counterterrorism framework.

OK Amb. Shearer I have pimped you for your next government job. Now can I have my A please?

6. The President should address the UN and let them know that terrorism is not an acceptable tactic for either state or nob-state actors. Since we are going to recommend that the address the UN about 75 more times during the course of this report he may want to try and schedule it all on the same day. While he is there he should give Iran mad props for speaking out against terrorism, even though the State Department considers them the number one terror exporter in the world. Maybe he could also thank them for exposing that entire Holocaust thing.

7. The President should repeal restrictions blocking pilots from carrying firearms aboard their planes. This doesn’t really have anything to do with addressing the causes of terrorism, which we have already established fall squarely at the feet of the US, but we have to give the slack-jawed mouth breathers in the square states something or they will start seeing black helicopters again.

Head about to explode - but must press on!

First 6 Months:

The next President should set up an International Compact to Undermine Terrorism (INCOUNTER). This program will do nothing new or useful but it does give me a chance to demonstrate just how clever I am by coming up a catchy acronym. Lucrative State department career here I come.

The President should shut down Guantanamo Bay. Not just the detention center but the entire base all it does is show how relentlessly imperialistic the US is. By closing the base we can once and for all cleanse the stain that is George W. Bush from the national psyche. The detainees still being held there should be returned to their home countries where they can immediately be released and returned to the battlefield. If their home countries refuse to accept them (true in many cases) or we are constrained by law from returning them too their home country we can just put them in a burlap bag with a bunch of raw meat and toss them to the sharks.

1 Year and Beyond:

The US must remove combat troops from Iraq. We are winning against al-Qaeda there and we can’t have that so our plan is to remove the 30,000 or so actual frontline combat troops and leave the 90,000 or so logistics and administrative troops unprotected. That should make it much easier for us to lose and our troops to be slaughtered thereby putting the final stake in the heart of this failed George Bush policy. The fact that terrorists don’t check MOSes before attacking never really occurred to us.

Continue the hunt for Osama bin Laden. Since President Bush is such a doofus I am sure he didn’t think of this we should freeze bin-Laden’s assets to keep him from funding any more of those super-lucky 9/11 style attacks.

Fight the public relations battle against terrorism. In all speeches, documents, National Security Strategies and other assorted measures the government should treat terrorism as a violation of a globally accepted norm rather than actually doing something about it.

Emphasize that there is no room for torture in the US response to Transnational Terrorism. The definition of torture may be a little slippery but if we establish the line at speaking harsh words we may be OK. This shouldn’t be a problem because “torture” doesn’t yield any useful information, except of course when it does.

Possible Outcomes:

We aren’t quite sure how, but we are positive that by reframing the conflict, increasing international cooperation, renouncing torture and creating a global anti-terror regime the risk of transnational terrorism will be significantly reduced allowing people to go about their lives with confidence. This is also a strategy that can be upheld as it does not require an endless war and reliance on fear. Until of course our actions are seen as capitulation enboldening the terrorists to start using suicide bombers in the US, but that will probably be on the next guys watch so who cares.

Despite it’s probable complete ineffectiveness this strategy is particularly politically viable because it completely divorces the US from all the actions of The Worst President in History George W. Bush(tm)

Note:I was flipping through this report again, despairing at all the work ahead because lemme tell ya it’s freaking tough pouring through this puerile adolescent crap, and I noticed two things.

Once again I am amazed that people think this is higher quality work than the “experts” produce.

Culpepper’s table doesn’t go beyond #10 Azerbajan, but we have a good idea who’s last. Think of a giant up-and-coming nation that’s not China.

Yes, India has one medal — albeit gold — for its 1.1 billion people. In 10 meter air rifle, which sounds like a sport the IOC meant to drop but forgot to.

Abhinav Bindra’s win is, believe it or not, India’s first-ever gold in an individual event. The last gold of any type for the country was in field hockey in 1980, and the nation has only 12 medals of all types since independence in 1947.

If they were Aussies, they’d have, oh, 268 or so by now.

Aishwarya Rai: not an Australian

—
This article blames India’s consistently poor showing on excess bureaucracy (India sent 227 officials and 75 athletes to Athens), the lack of a sports culture, and the absence of a development system.