Short Version -

It Sucks

Longer Version - If I sue NBC can I have my will to live back?

Back in Jr. High I was a fan of both the $6,000,000 Man and the Bionic Woman so I was semi-excited when I heard that NBC was going to make new version. I knew it would be darker but I wasn’t too concerned, after all it worked for the re-imaged Battlestar Galactica and I don’t believe the rumors about the secret “Love Boat” pilot in which Isaac the Bartender is really a seagoing pimp who lures underage girls into a life of whoredom through a combination alcohol, cocaine and roofies and then sells them to the male passengers while Doc performs illegal late term abortions and Gopher smuggles Mexican drug mules into the States in the ships bilges.

Unfortunately after seeing the pilot of the new “Bionic Woman” I wish NBC had shown that Love Boat pilot, at least the schlock factor would have made it interesting. This was just a boring re-hash of cliches.

Instead of Steve Austin a man barely alive we have Jamie Sommers - Bartender by night, caring older sister raising abandoned younger sister, who happens to be a genius college drop out by day. For fun apparently Jamie likes to drop on lecturers by her globetrotting genius surgeon / nanotechnologist boyfriend, who it turns out is so smart he can condense an hour long lecture on bioethics into a 5 minute power-point presentation. That’s just the beginning of the fun.

In the original Jamie fought the enemies of America. Of course now America is the enemy which is made clear when we are introduced to the main antagonist who complains that he has been locked up in a secret underground supermax prison with no trial and no appeal (but somehow he manages to coordinate a couple murder attempts and an escape so I’m thinking he probably could have called his lawyer) in a very thinly veiled reference to Guantanamo Bay. You just know by the middle of the season that it’s going to turn out he’s the good guy out to save Jamie.

Bleeeech /vomitting

Oh and I almost forgot remember the abandoned sister? Well she is a hacker and of course her skills will be invaluable in helping Jamie figure out what’s really going on.

Arrrrggggghhhhh! I need to go claw my eyes out maybe then I can purge the memory.

The special effects sucked too.

The one good thing about this show was that it ended and was followed by Life which starred Sarah Shahi who displays some impressive … ummm … talent:

Bionic Woman, Life, TV, Sarah Shahi

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 26th, 2007 at 11:49 pm by Chad and is filed under Brilliant, but uncategorizable. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.