3. Did you hear Tracy Morgan on Roggin and Simers Squared? The things don’t work, or they’re easy to take off, or something.

4. The press release is pretty much complete; it’s a “fill in the blank” deal.

5. The sad truth is that in the majority of cases, rehab programs DON’T work. It doesn’t matter whether they’re country club, scared straight, or whatever. The addiction is so powerful that the person just can’t change. One of my relatives died a few months after a stint in rehab (he checked himself out).

7. Only if the booze causes a weight gain.

This procedure would have helped both Lindsay Lohan and, earlier, Paris Hilton. In fact, I think for people living in a single-person household (where no one legally able to drive would be there) the DMV should require that vehicles be put on blocks, sold, impounded, or otherwise disabled from driving if the only would-be driver has a suspended license. This could be a good thing for all concerned.