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Advice Columnist tells jilted husband “the one most in need of a male role model is you”

A concerned husband wrote to OC Register advice columnist Amy Alkron with the following problem:

A guy about 60 got friendly with her, leaving $50 tips for a few beers. This raised an eyebrow for me. Then she got breast implants and a tummy tuck and still had money … hmmm.

…

Mr. Friendly funded everything.

…

They meet regularly for coffee, and I’ve even heard her on the phone telling him “I love you” (platonically, she insists). We have a 4-year-old son together, and I love her and don’t want to leave. Still, she won’t stop seeing him because he pays her bills, and I can’t pick up all the debt she’s incurred.

Alkron’s advice (summarized by me)

1. Be happy he didn’t have his name tattooed on the new boobs.
2. The wife is a slut
3. A female bartender is essentially a stripper who keeps her clothes on so why are you surprised?
4. Grow a pair - “Ironically, the one most in need of a male role model is you, since it appears yours was either Jan Brady or Bambi. Another man buys your wife a hotter body, and she continues to let him neuter you with his money, and in response you … furrow your brow? Wow, that’s harsh.”
5. Get marriage counseling

Chad’s advice


1. Grow a pair - “Ironically, the one most in need of a male role model is you, since it appears yours was either Jan Brady or Bambi. Another man buys your wife a hotter body, and she continues to let him neuter you with his money, and in response you … furrow your brow? Wow, that’s harsh.” Accept that
2. Your wife is a slut.
3. Enjoy the new body - Dont admit you enjoy the new body in preparation for point 6.
4. See if the wife has any slutty friends from work who will help you enjoy the new body.
5. Buy the wife a copy of the Kama Sutra to see if you can kill off the old guy. It also has the advantage of helping you enjoy the new body.
6. Wait until the wife graduates from Nursing school and is making good money, Take the kid, sue for divorce on the grounds of adultery, make her pay child support, and alimony if possible. Marry the slutty friend from point 4.
7. pay random children to walk up to the wife accassioanlly and tell her that her boobs are different sizes or lopsided. Just for fun you know

I like my plan better.

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 2nd, 2007 at 2:50 pm by Chad and is filed under Funny ... to us. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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One Response to “Advice Columnist tells jilted husband “the one most in need of a male role model is you””

  1. 1
    Moon Says:
    July 2nd, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    You guys are SOOOO 70’s. I think I’d handle it a little differently:

    1. Send the mortgage payments to him.
    2. Send the daycare payments to him.
    3. Send the clothes credit cards to him.
    4. Tell him that unless he chips in more for household chores, I will have his name tattoo’d on my ass with a big heart around it. And of course, a penis spearing it.
    5. Have the kid occasionally call his place of employment ( or lack thereof, his wife ) asking for “sugar poppie”.
    6. Tell the wife that turnabout’s fair game. Therefore, since he’s probably 30 years older than her, I’m gonna cruise high schools for my gratification.

    This type of behavior by the wife just opens a floodgate of opportunities to behave as every man dreams. I’d let her know that. Who knows, she might like it enough to get her thrills at home.