Top 10 Ways EMI will be different owned by a private equity fund
Music company EMI Group PLC has agreed to a 2.4 billion pound ($4.7 billion) takeover by a private equity group Terra Firma Capital Partners. Things are going to be very different.
Once the record guys learn that “distribution” means paying people not selling records, and the new money guys learn that “returns” are nothing to cheer about, the private equity suits will start to make changes as they have in every other industry that they’ve invaded. Independent Sources has spoken to parties on both sides of the transaction and compiled the top 10 ways that EMI will be changed by these new owners:
10. Cocaine will now be amortized over 4 quarters instead of expensed in the quarter snorted
9. Remixing budgets to be renamed as “B Rounds”
8. Tour support will be funneled through the Cayman Islands
7. Recording contracts to now be called “subscription agreements” and will include full ratchet anti-dilution
6. Artist royalties to now have hurdle rates
5. Promos to be called “red herrings”
4. Bands won’t be dropped, they’ll be spun out to the original shareholders
3. Hip-hop artists will openly boast about the size of their “tranches”
2. Promotion men will hype radio stations by claiming new releases are “upper quartile”
1. Staff lay-offs will be called “involuntary redemptions”
Bonus: Demo tapes out, pro-forma business plans in
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May 21st, 2007 at 5:26 pm
[…] Offline Top 10 Ways EMI will be different under the new private equity owners…http://independentsources.com/2007/05/21/top-10-w […]
May 21st, 2007 at 6:36 pm
EMI is about to get carved up and spit out like Steve Buscemi in “Fargo.”
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:07 am
[…] d=”comment-4276″> Top 10 Ways EMI Will be Changed by the New Owners Submitted by anonymous (not verified) on May 21, 2007 - 6:31pm. The new […]
May 22nd, 2007 at 5:38 am
Hysterical!
Very finny take on the situation.
I still do not see how the private buyers make money on this, but I am not in private equity . . .
May 22nd, 2007 at 5:41 am
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May 22nd, 2007 at 6:45 am
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May 22nd, 2007 at 1:23 pm
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May 22nd, 2007 at 2:39 pm
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May 22nd, 2007 at 3:42 pm
[…] MI will change after being acquired by the suits at private equity group Terra Firma, from someone who used to work at the label.10. Cocaine will now be […]
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:08 am
[…] renamed as “B Rounds”?8. Tour support will be funneled through the Cayman Islands { Independant Sources | Continue reading }
[…]
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:11 am
[…] erra Firma Capital Partners. Things are going to be very different. A former EMI employee writes the following: "Once the record guys learn that […]
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Top 10 Ways EMI will be different owned by a private equity fund
May 25th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
A bird may be known by its flight
May 27th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
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Comment by insider […]
May 28th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
[…] et into something, it's a sign for the professionals to get out.” More amusing is this guide to how EMI will change under PE ownership (now that the […]
June 9th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
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