Alarmed by reports that a planned offshore liquid natural gas terminal would be located within twenty-four miles of Malibu Pier, numerous actors spent Sunday objecting to it — and anything else in their newly expanded zone of protest.

“We don’t like floating ports,” said Halle Berry, “and we also don’t like Republicans in Thousand Oaks, concession prices at LAX, and that Shell station at the corner of Centinela and Culver. All are within our newly enlarged backyard, and all will feel the wrath of us celebrities.”

(image (c) Google Earth)
The floating terminal would be sixteen miles off Malibu Surfrider beach, the site of the protest.

“I never go to the Valley,” noted Pierce Brosnan, “but if I did, I’d object to the traffic on Ventura Boulevard.” Virtually all of that thoroughfare now falls within weekend protest range of the Malibu residents, assuming they can get car service.

The rejection of yet another source of energy left the celebrities — many of whom weren’t exactly taking AP science in high school — in a quandary.

“We also oppose the use of oil, of course,” said Cindy Crawford, “and coal, and nuclear. We thought wind was good until the Kennedys told us we’d have to see actual giant windmills. Solar has all those shiny things. So I guess the best source of energy is the way it is now, that wire that comes from the electric company.”

“I’m not a mermaid, but I played one in a movie,” said Daryl Hannah, “and I know that the mermaids oppose this floating port.” Hannah was named Malibu’s Emissary to the Sea Creatures. At late Sunday attempt to rally sea lion opposition to the LNG port Hannah, wearing her fin appendage from “Splash,” was eaten by a shark.

Technorati Tags: energy, protest, malibu

This entry was posted on Monday, October 23rd, 2006 at 9:46 am by A Senior Administration Official and is filed under Funny ... to us. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.