Fidel Castro turned over the reins of power to his brotherRaul before undergoing surgery yesterday.

Nothing particularly abnormal in that, something similar would happen in the US, except it would be Dick Cheney rather than Jeb Bush who would get the nod.

Except… The surgery had already been completed when Fidel transfered power, leading some to speculate again that Fidel is dead. Since this is twentieth or so time that Castro has died I am speculating on four possibilities:

a. He has been infected by the T virus like Alice (Milla Jovovich) in Resident Evil. Brain Eating Zombie Theory 1.

b. He has been cursed by a vodoo woman to eternal life as long as he continues eating human flesh. Brain Eating Zombie Theory 2.

c. He is a Vampire.

d. He is a sick old tyarnnical murderous dictator about to kick the bucket and attempting a smooth transfer of power but we would never know that because the CIA won’t tell us.

While option d is attractive in it’s simplicity 2 of the 4 choices involve Castro being a Brain Eating Zombie, so thats what I am going with.

Fidel Castro is a Brain eating Zombie

Update: Fidel has released a letter telling the people of Cuba he is fine. Of course he is he had his unholy meal of brains and marrow and has been rejuvenated.

Update #2: Apparently Raul Castro hasn’t been seen since being named El-Presidente Tempore. Local militia groups are on the streets patroling to maintain order(supposedly) and the army is apparently running things (again supposedly). Of course if the Castro’s were Brain Eating Zombies the militia and army would be patrolling to control the evil undead anyway. 6 of on 1/2 dozen of the other.

8/11/06: Still no word from the Castro’s.

Update 8/13/06: Castro still alive with pictures to prove it.

Update 8/14/06: Photographic Evidence Fidel and Hugo are getting it on.

Update: Cuban newspaper confirms

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 1st, 2006 at 11:56 am by Chad and is filed under Brilliant, but uncategorizable. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.