The State of California’s $4 billion budget hole is being filled in … by Google.

Ted Gibson, a former chief state economist, cites the “Google effect.” He said that single company, based in the Bay Area city of Mountain View, produced so much stock market income for Californians in recent months that the capital gains taxes investors paid were probably a “huge factor” in the surge of state revenue. - Los Angeles Times

(insert tongue in cheek now)

Governor Schwarzenegger, in China for a trade promotion visit, immediately encouraged his hosts to start buying Google stock. “Forget about farm and technology exports,” he said at a crowded internet cafe. “Driving up Google’s stock price is my top priority as governor.” Schwarzenegger then grabbed a mouse from a patron and clicked on every ad on the site he was visiting.

He later told reporters that “Among other things, we’ve got to pay for those 9,000 state vehicles we can’t find,” he said, “and this is a fahn-tastic way to do it.”

The governor also announced that all state websites will be immediately replaced by full page Google ads. “No one ever goes to the Secretary of State’s site anyway,” he said. “At least now we may get some ad revenue from Condi Rice fan sites”

Others were not enthused by the new income. “This is tainted money,” complained Jane Doe of the Center for Search Engine Justice. “Google stock is owned by private companies — and people who own stock! Is that fair?” Doe continued, “Those searches are being conducted by the wealthiest Americans. The people who click through to an ad are are those who are so well off that they can purchase consumer goods. It’s all very inequitable and mean.”

Doe’s organization plans to introduce legislation in the California legislature that would reserve 25% of first-page search results for results that would otherwise be on page 74.

Democratic leaders and activists immediately began planning how to spend the windfall.

Rob Reiner plans a push for universal prenatal education. “And we don’t mean for the parents,” the director explained at a press conference. “We want the fetus to get a start on learning how to be non-judgemental and respectful of others, so long as those others aren’t right of center. Oh, and we think we’ve developed a way to associate birth trauma with Republicans.”

This may not go far enough for some. Assembly speaker Fabian Nunez, who has signed on to several mutually exclusive ways to spend an income tax hike he wants, foresees windfall profits and capital gains taxes on Google and its investors. “When you look at it after the fact, it’s clear that Google was going to succeed,” he told a crowd of Hollywood activists who never took an economics course. “And in the California my Democratic colleagues and I envision, success should be shared by all the state’s citizens. Failure, of course, is the entrepreneur’s problem.”

Nunez also advocated retaining shareholder-suit law firm Milberg Weiss to generate revenue from random fluctuations in Google’s share price. “When the stock price goes down, we want to be ready,” the speaker said. “And Milberg Weiss, aside from being a drag on the economy, is my friend Barbara Boxer’s biggest contributor from the legal industry. So if Google’s price goes down, we can help ensure Barbara’s re-election.”

Senator Boxer was busy writing a horse sex scene for her next novel and was unavailable for comment. Her office did note that if Republicans like Schwarzenegger were in favor of Google, the Senator would be opposed.

—
Google’s use as a source of government funding comes just months after the search engine was first used as a weapon in an international crises: We May Not Be Able To Project Military Power, But Our Ad Copy Will Make You Surrender!

See this post and many more at the following trackback parties: California Conservative, The Political Teen, Outside The Beltway, Cao’s Blog, and Tar Pit.

Technorati Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barbara Boxer, California, california legislature, Google, budget, Schwarzenegger

This entry was posted on Friday, November 18th, 2005 at 1:08 pm by A Senior Administration Official and is filed under California Schemin', Funny ... to us. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.