The UK’s Observer reveals the shocking story that the U.S. military has taken time off from its plan for world domination to put surfers and divers in the Gulf of Mexico in danger of being shot … by Flipper:

… Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.

Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest.

… The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea.

… Leo Sheridan, 72, a respected accident investigator who has worked for government and industry, said he had received intelligence from sources close to the US government’s marine fisheries service confirming dolphins had escaped.

‘My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire,’ he said. …

Other sources (here) point out the suspect provenance of this report, particularly the questionable veracity of sole source Sheridan. Perhaps the Observer should have just rented The Day of the Dolphin before handing out story assignments …

Tomorrow, we hear they plan a scoop about the computer that controls all U.S. defenses … and don’t tell them about the sentient stealth fighters …

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H/t: Force Against Something

This entry was posted on Monday, September 26th, 2005 at 11:22 am by A Senior Administration Official and is filed under Funny ... to us, Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.