Hans Island Update: Danish Expeditionary Force Sets Sail

What’s New:

A Danish cutter headed for disputed Hans Island this week, and the ship’s captain had these provocative words aimed straight at claims of Canadian sovereignty:

‘We normally put up a new Danish flag, as the old one usually has been blown away. We also leave behind some emergency rations, and make an entry into the log there. After that, we leave and hopefully continue on north in Greenland / Danish territory,’ said Jensen.

The deadly-looking cutter Tulugaq has a crew of fifteen heavily armed men (they are believed to have two arms each!).

In less-factual Hans Island news, rumors that Canadian pranksters, and not the Arctic wind, are responsible for the disappearing Danish flags could not be confirmed. Separately, Canada, one of the world’s leading contributors of forces to peacekeeping missions, offered to send one to Hans Island, if only the Danish Navy could transport them. The notion was not received well in Copenhagen.

Hans Island conflict takes over our comment threads:

Independent Sources hopes that Captain Jensen’s log entry is as civil as the Hans Island comment threads we have going. Looking at our site stats for the last week, we see that two of our Hans Island posts are #1 and #2 for all-time comments:

We May Not Be Able To Project Military Power, But Our Ad Copy Will Make You Surrender!

Weekend Edition: Battle For Hans Island Spreads from Google to Blogosphere: CRISIS in the ARCTIC!

Our third Hans Island post has lots of page views but only one comment:

Canada Grants Citizenship to Hans Island’s Rocks; ‘We Welcome Our 13,925,637 New Granite-Canadian Countrymen,” says Prime Minister

The author of that piece, me, will enhance either Denmark’s or Canada’s GNP by buying a six-pack of beer from whichever nation posts the most comments on this story. Denmark is currently leading.

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Sadly for our egos, our most-commented “serious” post, at #5, is

LAT Columnist Prefers Presidents that are Fat and Undisciplined

So much like CNN became the “runaway bride” network a few months ago, maybe our audience is telling us we should be all Hans Island, all the time. Although we’re not sure what we’ll do all winter when it’s covered by tens of meters of snow and ice.

Technorati Tags: canada, hans island, Denmark

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This entry was posted on Thursday, August 4th, 2005 at 12:25 pm by A Senior Administration Official and is filed under Hans Island, Funny ... to us. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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4 Responses to “Hans Island Update: Danish Expeditionary Force Sets Sail”

1. 1
   Insider Says:
   August 4th, 2005 at 1:06 pm

   We should expect an uptick in traffic with the news that the search for Nadalee Holloway is now heading to Hans Island.

2. 2
   Hans Island Says:
   August 6th, 2005 at 4:32 pm

   What is not known is that Tulugaq carries 600 ton of TNT en rout to Hans Island – and they are going to blow it up. Here is why:

   You see the Danish they are smart. They have realized that when (not if), when the ice melts in the Arctic, it does not only melt in Nares Strait, it melts all over the Arctic Ocean (duh!) They realized that Nares Strait is of course never gonna be a major shipping route, cause with the ice gone or much of it, all over the Arctic Ocean, who the fuck wanna sail though Nares Strait!?!?!, when you can sail north around Greenland and then straight to the Bering Strait, avoiding all the Danish and Canadian tax shops.

   The American, as the only ones, may want to use the Strait, cause they don’t want to get taxed heavy by use of the Northwest passages though the Canadian arctic. So they sail up Nares Strait (of course on the Danish side, much cheaper :)) and all around Canada to the Berring Strait and here is the catch – can you imagine a super heavy American oil tanker stuck on Hans Island? You see the picture? Not good. This is just a catastrophe waiting to happen. So it must go. Its pure Greenpeace… now you know.

   Btw now you also know why Canada want the Island

   .. hey whos that knocking on the door….

3. 3
   Dane Says:
   August 19th, 2005 at 7:30 am

   Well at least the ship has guns, that’s more than you can say about the Canadian counterparts.

4. 4
   Mr Denmark Says:
   December 10th, 2005 at 10:49 pm

   I geuss that you know all know a-boot who won the “war”..eh?

   “And the swooping Canadian defeat made such loud “EEHHHHHHH??” that even the birds in Africa stopped singing for a breaf moment…”

   Now excuse me while I go polish my medal for liberating Hans Ø

   Oh and btw… good luck with you sat-thingy… now you can atleast see while we’re having a BBQ on our beloved island!