Weekend Edition: Battle For Hans Island Spreads from Google to Blogosphere: CRISIS in the ARCTIC!
(Also see our updates:
- August 4: Hans Island Update: Danish Expeditionary Force Sets Sail
- Canada Grants Citizenship to Hans Island’s Rocks; ‘We Welcome Our 13,925,638 New Granite-Canadian Countrymen,” says Prime Minister, and
- our original story: We May Not Be Able To Project Military Power, But Our Ad Copy Will Make You Surrender!)
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The crisis started out as they always do, a minor territorial dispute largely unnoticed by the population of either country — let alone the world at large. Then one government does something symbolic (say, a visit to the disputed territory) to which the other government feels it must respond, and there it goes.
Independent Sources’ A Senior Administration Official noted “Hans Island, if unchecked, could be the next Gibraltar, Kurile Islands, or Falklands.” |
| Canadian? Or Danish? |
Hopes that it wouldn’t escalate beyond Google keywords have been dashed as bloggers in both countries have taken up the cause. The Hans Island Crisis (or as the CNN graphic will presumably read, “CRISIS in the ARCTIC“) has already become a hot war on the Internet. … and both sides have unleashed sarcasm, disdain, and insults.
To get the pulse of this rapidly-evolving story, Independent Sources has compiled the following links from Canadian and Danish bloggers. At first glance, Canadian bloggers are far more prepared for the conflict than their Viking rivals.
Blogs Representing Canada
Angry in the White North thinks the Canadian government needs a Minister of Cheesing People Off and feels sorry for the Danes. Dawn of a New Day reports that Canadians are readying their emergency provisions, (beer, back bacon, Tim Hortons coffee), building their igloos with reinforced snow walls, and psyching up for the coming conflict with Denmark.
Muon Proof makes several smart observations about a fight between Canada and their eternal enemies, Denmark, including the cool arctic battles that would ensue as well as the likely banning of all Hans Christian Andersen stories in Canada. Most importantly, he recommends changing the term “Danish Pastry” to “Victory Pastry”. Ni Howdy has been using the famous Axis and Allies board game to simulate how a Danish/Canadian war might play out.
Dissonance and Disrespect sums up what many Canadians are thinking: “Hans Island may be a worthless barren rock, but it’s our worthless barren rock.” Blindingly Boring thinks its really a geographical political joke.
Counter Factual says: “If tiny little Denmark can take our land, everyone else can.” Along those same lines, Toronto Tory says “it’s pathetic when we’re getting pushed around by Denmark” and hopes it is a call to arms of his countrymen. Responsible Government League said “Qui est ton père?!?!?” and I have no friggin’ idea what the heck it means but based on some of the other things he said (in English, thank you!) I’d say he isn’t too excited about the preparedness of Canadian’s armed forces.
Tall Dark and Mysterious has the best response to the Danish statement of “Danish name, Danish Island” with the retort: “What the hell does a homogeneous nation know about these things? Galiano Island has an Italian name, but unless it migrates out of the Georgia Strait, it’s ours for keeps.” Unconscious Country simply calls them “herring-chokers.”
Eitherorr reports this could be the beginning of the war of 2007. Similarly, Dinner Table Don’ts notes that Hans Island could become Canada’s Iraq.
The Cosmic Blogger has a some productive suggestions including renaming it Gretzky Island or populating it with beavers and other animals not found in Denmark. Their best suggestion is to start a radio station there that only plays Canadian content (the “New Ha”).
Some Canadian bloggers had ideas for resolving the spat peacefully. Dawg’s Blawg supports the concept of a partition. Gen X at 40 suggests trading it for Legoland. Vote Saskatoon recommends just letting Google decide. (Not a bad idea since Google is nearly as big and certainly as strong as either country. ¿En cual parte del mundo esta Martin? suggested a unique resolution to the Dano-Canadian conflict involving Tuborg and Molson beer.
Random Existence accuses the Danes of also claiming ownership of the newly discovered 10th planet based on Danish claims that it was first discovered by Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe in 1574.
Accidental Deliberations points out that the United States is challenging Canadian sovereignty in six other areas of the Arctic, including the Northwest Passage. Finally, Spenser’s Blog had a great photo they with the caption “new-found respect for the Danes.” (We concur).
Blogs Representing Denmark
Daenmark points out that the Danes are also locked in a similar fight with the British over a strategic rock called Rockall. The Danes are not backing down on that one despite a 4 to 0 British advantage in ballistic nuclear submarines and a 200 to 0 British advantage in operationally available nuclear warheads.
Aura Vox notes the difference between Canada and Denmark in dealing with the dispute. Denmark sends a warship and Canada responds by flying in a politician.
Independent Sources is certain that there were many other Danish bloggers but we don’t speak Danish so to me all the Danish blogs read like:
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, HANS ISLAND blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, CANADA, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, …
…so we skipped them. (H/T: The Far Side).
Danish speakers might want to check out Bubbling Minds and possibly let us know what they are saying.
Independent Sources Tagline Hat Tip: The Gods of the Copybook Headings for Tora, Tora, Tora, Eh?
—
unrelated, but funny, roundup: Independent Sources’ Ebonics roundup here.
Update: Welcome Mudville readers.
Technorati Tags: canada, hans island
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July 31st, 2005 at 8:23 pm
I couldn’t help weighing in on this little fight. Hans Island is Canadian. Just because, damnit. Now if only we could get some military spending up a little, we could actually raise our voice when we make that claim. Then there is the noise the Americans and Russians are making at the Bering Strait …
July 31st, 2005 at 8:25 pm
Oh … and what’s next? A claim on Newfoundland? Because the Vikings were here first?
July 31st, 2005 at 8:49 pm
Time to tighten up your notoriously porous borders. It’s not just Islamic Extremists anymore, you’ve got to watch for armed Danes too!
August 1st, 2005 at 3:10 am
As I wrote on my blog:
There was an episode in the original Star Trek series which portrayed a society where war was waged in the virtual realm (although the victims died in the real world).
In yet another example of life imitating art, Canada and Denmark are tussling over a small island, located 680 miles from the North Pole. In which realm is this conflict taking place? Google ads.
August 1st, 2005 at 4:41 am
Hahahaha , don’t they know the Island is just going to disappear because of the USA , Gas guzzling SUV’s and global warming?
Nothing to fight over folks move along , it will be a sandbar some day according to all their other reports. (aka pushing Kyoto off on us constantly)
It’s odd , there isn’t really enough land here to own is there? You couldn’t even raise on cow on that Island. Esp when cow methane adds to global warming . cow w/ sign… Eat more Chicken.
God I need more coffee .
August 1st, 2005 at 12:34 pm
[…] return true; } }
1-8-2005
Special Service for Readers of
Canadian Biased Sources Battle For Hans Island Spreads from Google to Blogospher […]
August 1st, 2005 at 2:12 pm
I understand the Danes are big candy eaters - like 29.5 lb/yr for each man, woman and brat. That’s some serious sweet tooth.
Maybe the Canuks can bribe ‘em with Maple syrup…
August 1st, 2005 at 2:18 pm
You missed the story about the protesters demanding the return of Brian “Captain Canada” Tobin:
http://www.markarayner.com/blog/archived/79/
August 1st, 2005 at 4:10 pm
Independent Sources
August 1st, 2005 at 4:14 pm
Possibly for this, but for so many other good reasons, Canada has to improve it’s military (preferably while I’m still out of the country so I don’t bear the tax burden). Improving our military would be a good cause but for a bad reason; why the Danes? They seem like nice people (fighting off urge to use a Hamlet joke - the only thing I know about Denmark).
As a Canadian, I’m undecided about the island. This seems more like a conflict for cartographers and surveyors.
For a bit of self-promotion and to round-out your round-up:
http://gangwon.blogspot.com/2005/08/more-on-hans-island-canadas-dokdo.html
August 1st, 2005 at 5:31 pm
Thanks for linking to The Cosmic Blogger’s “A Frozen Rock in a very Hard Place.”
My “Hans Island: An Arctic Rock’s Lonely Lament” posting a day later is better, and getting raves, but it’s a spoof on a famous Canadian beer TV ad, so unless you remember the “I am Canadian” ad, most won’t get it.
Count me in as a regular visitor to YOUR site. I might even link to you in future.
Thanks again, friend…
August 1st, 2005 at 6:22 pm
sheepish on Biting the hand that helps me feed myself: ‘Hypergeometric Functions for Dummies’… Declan on Biting the hand that helps me feed myself: I was in the bookstore today and I noted… Independent Sources on
August 2nd, 2005 at 2:12 am
this became an issue for the Danes, and he was said to be job-hunting a year or more later when it became an issue for Canadians. There are even better suggestions over at the Canadian Expatriates blog. Update: There’s a further assessment over at Independent Sources , although I don’t know about the comparison to the Falklands: it might not take as long to evacuate the local population as it did in that battle. That, and I don’t know if the Canadian Navy has been allowed to purchase any ships which are
August 2nd, 2005 at 3:15 am
Independent Sources
August 2nd, 2005 at 3:51 am
Maybe this should be called the Battle of the Island of ‘Who Cares Anyway?’ I’m danish and I think that it’s a bit amazing that this issue has become such a big deal in Canada. The dispute has been going on since 1973, but only during the last year or so has anyone in the general public in Canada and Denmark noticed it. Here in DK most people STILL haven’t noticed it and even if they had, I’m sure that 99% of them wouldn’t care if Hans Island becomes (undisputedly) Canadian - I mean we are talking about an uninhabited island that isn’t much bigger than a McDonalds franchise or something like that! Maybe we are boring people here in DK, but this ‘crisis’ as it’s called with a farcical exaggeration, really can’t make my blood boil over with rage.
For me an all out war with Canada sounds like science ficion, not a real possibility. DK is a civilized country and so is Canada, so I don’t understand this need to create an (in my view) artificial crisis over this matter.
My guess is that some Canadian politicians/mediapeople have decided to play tough in from of their own people for domestic reasons. Why? Well you know that better than me, I can just see that this thing has been blown completely out of proportion, I mean Canada is the second largest country in the world, you can’t tell me that adding such a tiny little island as Hans Island to your territory is going to make much of a difference. It is already so small that it doesn’t appear on most maps.
August 2nd, 2005 at 4:29 am
Hey Eric, don’t let the overcompensating, inferiority complex struck Canadians think that we can be reasonable people.
I think the whole “We’re six times your population, but our armed forces are just as sucky as yours” is getting to them.
I øvrigt så kan de jo ikke røre os med en ildtang, hvad skulle de kunne gøre? Et Dansk skib ankommer til øen i slutningen af august, så skal du bare se hvordan de begynder at hyle.
August 2nd, 2005 at 4:46 am
Hey fellow dane, I’m not afraid of the Canadians, just a bit surprised that it has come to this. Apparantly the Canadian government believes that it can bully us into submission! Too bad for them that the danish military is better equipped for war than theirs. We have ice-strenghtened warships, they don’t. We have a big military airbase in northeastern Greenland, the Thule Airbase, so we can also use our F-16’s in the area, the canadians don’t have such a facility in the region. In other words, we can make our presence felt in a way that the canadians can’t. Maybe they feel humiliated by the fact the a small country like DK has regional superiority in relation to them?
De får BØLLEBANK, HÆ HÆ!!
August 2nd, 2005 at 4:55 am
I think humiliation is exactly the point, an inferiority complex towards a small Euro nation.
I do think that it is silly, but I won’t let them slap us in the face with insults on various blogs and just say nothing. But perhaps that is, in fact, the only kind of response they’re capable of sending, they can’t enforce their northern borders properly, we however can, and it’s so very frustrating for them that petty insults and ridicule is the only weapon the really have.
Husk, den slags typer vi har med at gøre her er folk, som stadig tror, at Vikinger have hjelme med horn. Tsk tsk.
August 2nd, 2005 at 6:35 am
Yes, empty barrels make a lot of noise, as they say. The VERBAL bravery of the canadians is truly impressive. But where are the canadian forces in Iraq? DK has shown a lot more non-verbal balls than the canadians in the gulf region. So while danish soldiers are risking their lives on a daily basis in Iraq, the canadian bravehearts are fooling around in the arctic - only making landings on Hans Island when they know for sure that no danish warships are in the vicinity. When DK makes landings on the island they announce it in advance - so that the canadians know where they are NOT supposed to be on a particular day, if they don’t wan’t to get theselves killed. We don’t sneak in unannounced, like a thief at night, the way the canadian defence minister did.
Du har ret, de har yderst uvidende og primitive forestillinger om os.
August 2nd, 2005 at 12:07 pm
Annika’s Journal linked here!