(Also see our updates:
- August 4: Hans Island Update: Danish Expeditionary Force Sets Sail
- Canada Grants Citizenship to Hans Island’s Rocks; ‘We Welcome Our 13,925,638 New Granite-Canadian Countrymen,” says Prime Minister, and
- our original story: We May Not Be Able To Project Military Power, But Our Ad Copy Will Make You Surrender!)
|The crisis started out as they always do, a minor territorial dispute largely unnoticed by the population of either country — let alone the world at large. Then one government does something symbolic (say, a visit to the disputed territory) to which the other government feels it must respond, and there it goes.
Independent Sources’ A Senior Administration Official noted “Hans Island, if unchecked, could be the next Gibraltar, Kurile Islands, or Falklands.”
|Canadian? Or Danish?|
Hopes that it wouldn’t escalate beyond Google keywords have been dashed as bloggers in both countries have taken up the cause. The Hans Island Crisis (or as the CNN graphic will presumably read, “CRISIS in the ARCTIC“) has already become a hot war on the Internet. … and both sides have unleashed sarcasm, disdain, and insults.
To get the pulse of this rapidly-evolving story, Independent Sources has compiled the following links from Canadian and Danish bloggers. At first glance, Canadian bloggers are far more prepared for the conflict than their Viking rivals.
Blogs Representing Canada
Angry in the White North thinks the Canadian government needs a Minister of Cheesing People Off and feels sorry for the Danes. Dawn of a New Day reports that Canadians are readying their emergency provisions, (beer, back bacon, Tim Hortons coffee), building their igloos with reinforced snow walls, and psyching up for the coming conflict with Denmark.
Muon Proof makes several smart observations about a fight between Canada and their eternal enemies, Denmark, including the cool arctic battles that would ensue as well as the likely banning of all Hans Christian Andersen stories in Canada. Most importantly, he recommends changing the term “Danish Pastry” to “Victory Pastry”. Ni Howdy has been using the famous Axis and Allies board game to simulate how a Danish/Canadian war might play out.
Dissonance and Disrespect sums up what many Canadians are thinking: “Hans Island may be a worthless barren rock, but it’s our worthless barren rock.” Blindingly Boring thinks its really a geographical political joke.
Counter Factual says: “If tiny little Denmark can take our land, everyone else can.” Along those same lines, Toronto Tory says “it’s pathetic when we’re getting pushed around by Denmark” and hopes it is a call to arms of his countrymen. Responsible Government League said “Qui est ton père?!?!?” and I have no friggin’ idea what the heck it means but based on some of the other things he said (in English, thank you!) I’d say he isn’t too excited about the preparedness of Canadian’s armed forces.
Tall Dark and Mysterious has the best response to the Danish statement of “Danish name, Danish Island” with the retort: “What the hell does a homogeneous nation know about these things? Galiano Island has an Italian name, but unless it migrates out of the Georgia Strait, it’s ours for keeps.” Unconscious Country simply calls them “herring-chokers.”
Eitherorr reports this could be the beginning of the war of 2007. Similarly, Dinner Table Don’ts notes that Hans Island could become Canada’s Iraq.
The Cosmic Blogger has a some productive suggestions including renaming it Gretzky Island or populating it with beavers and other animals not found in Denmark. Their best suggestion is to start a radio station there that only plays Canadian content (the “New Ha”).
Some Canadian bloggers had ideas for resolving the spat peacefully. Dawg’s Blawg supports the concept of a partition. Gen X at 40 suggests trading it for Legoland. Vote Saskatoon recommends just letting Google decide. (Not a bad idea since Google is nearly as big and certainly as strong as either country. ¿En cual parte del mundo esta Martin? suggested a unique resolution to the Dano-Canadian conflict involving Tuborg and Molson beer.
Random Existence accuses the Danes of also claiming ownership of the newly discovered 10th planet based on Danish claims that it was first discovered by Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe in 1574.
Accidental Deliberations points out that the United States is challenging Canadian sovereignty in six other areas of the Arctic, including the Northwest Passage. Finally, Spenser’s Blog had a great photo they with the caption “new-found respect for the Danes.” (We concur).
Blogs Representing Denmark
Daenmark points out that the Danes are also locked in a similar fight with the British over a strategic rock called Rockall. The Danes are not backing down on that one despite a 4 to 0 British advantage in ballistic nuclear submarines and a 200 to 0 British advantage in operationally available nuclear warheads.
Aura Vox notes the difference between Canada and Denmark in dealing with the dispute. Denmark sends a warship and Canada responds by flying in a politician.
Independent Sources is certain that there were many other Danish bloggers but we don’t speak Danish so to me all the Danish blogs read like:
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, HANS ISLAND blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, CANADA, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, …
…so we skipped them. (H/T: The Far Side).
Danish speakers might want to check out Bubbling Minds and possibly let us know what they are saying.
Independent Sources Tagline Hat Tip: The Gods of the Copybook Headings for Tora, Tora, Tora, Eh?
unrelated, but funny, roundup: Independent Sources’ Ebonics roundup here.
Update: Welcome Mudville readers.
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